Mar. 3/97
There was a shopping trip today to a local mall and dad went on it, as he usually enjoys these outings. Not today. According to Nancy, the rec leader, there was a fight in the mall...some kids were going at it...she thinks it upset dad who shortly demanded to go home. He was pulling and strking out at everyone...I hope this is just an isolated incident.

Mar. 6/97
Walked over to help dad with dinner; I found him vague and distant, his speech was terrible. After dinner we went down for a cigarette. I then moved him into the lobby to talk, and pass the time. There is the ongoing battle of the wheelchair seatbelt and tray table; he was in the process of trying to undo the belt when I quietly suggested that he keep it done up so he wouldn't fall. Well, he really got fired up and first said he never fell and then claimed that the falls were my fault. I know intellectually that I shouldn't pursue this line of reasoning but I tried anyway to see if I could figure out where he was coming from but I couldn't, he was getting too agitated. So we went upstairs; when I said I had to leave again he lit into me...how could I leave him there why couldn't he come with me. Again there was no reasoning...I'll be so glad when the warmer weather comes and we can go outside. At least it is something to do and it it settles him.

Mar. 13/97
Tonight was Portuguese night...once a month the home has an ethnic dinner, this was our first. I took dad downstairs around 5:00 pm to the activity room and helped the rec staff set up for 19 residents who had chosen to attend. The person in charge of these events is Maria and a wonderfully exhuberant, warm person she is. The music was playing all through the evening and she would get those residents who could up to dance; she really does her best to make this an 'evening out'. Again I am impressed with the staff.

Dad and I sat with his roommate, Ed and Marion, his smoking friend. He seemed to enjoy the dinner but I wondered how aware he was in general. Even though Norman his companion called to say he was in good form yesterday, I haven't found him so. His teeth are still causing problems. The dentist finally came last week, although not soon enough for me...I ended up filing down dad's broken tooth with my nail file (I know, I know...but it worked). Both upper and lower plates need relining; even with the glue stuff they don't stay in place. Tonight the food wasn't as pureed as usual; I guess I wasn't watching carefully enough, because he suddenly started choking and everything came forth...dinner, teeth. He remained unshaken and ready to put more into his mouth than he should, so I really had to monitor him for the rest of the dinner.

I took dad and Marion upstarirs so they could have a smoke, then dad and I went to his room. It was about 7:30 and I could see he was tired, but he kept asking 'what are we going to do now'...he got agitated when I turned the TV on, but I told him it was really time to start getting ready for bed. Suddenly he acquiesed..as if to say 'alright, I give in'. One of the nurses helped me get him in bed, she would finish up later. I hate leaving him like this, lying on his bed with his eyes open, wondering what is going on in his mind. I feel I am abandoning him but I know there is nothing more I can do.

Mar. 16/97
I called the home this morning just to see how dad was doing. I was working so didn't plan to go over. He was in the hall near a phone so they put him on and all he did was yell that he couldn't hear me and that I hadn't been to see him all winter. So there I was, stuck at the end of the phone...unable to communicate with him; I ended up screaming back, to try and get him to hear me, and to get him to pass me back to the aid. Discouraging to say the least.

Mar. 21/97
I called to ask dad's doctor to look at his feet; they are very swollen. The massage therapist agreed and we thought perhaps a diuretic might help.

Mar. 22/97
Today is Purim, a Jewish celebration; although we are not Jewish, I wanted dad to go to the party so I arrived about 2:30 to take him down to the activity room. When we arrived there was music and singing and lots of conversation...everyone was having a great time. Dad seemed a bit overwhelmed but he did smile and laugh. This party was over at 4:00; I asked dad if he wanted to upstairs for a sleep before dinner as he seemed tired but he said no. Dinner was at 5:00 pm; we sat with Ralph, from an old Jewish Toronto family and Marie, who fled Chechoslovakia (sp?) in 1968, a very interesting lady.

Dad's eating has changed; he eats as if on automatic pilot, just shoving what he can in his mouth with his hands. I had to constantly make sure he didn't choke. The staff told me he really couldn't feed himself any longer because, although he tries, it all ends up in his lap. But I am worried about his behavior; he also looks strange.

We went up to the lobby so he could have a cigarette but he was out of sorts and I couldn't figure out what he was agitated about. He tried to go outside but I told him he couldn't...it was too cold. Finally we went upstairs and I positioned him in front of his roommate's TV. But he was acting strangely; agitated.... then he fell into some kind of stupour...he was sitting in his wheelchair, his eyes half closed but definitely not aware. I asked him if he was tired, did he want to lie down. He said no...I went to find the nurse who returned shortly and checked his vital signs. They were normal but this behavior was not. I asked that the doctor be called and she said they would tomorrow. I left with a heavy heart.

Mar. 23/97
I called Diane the charge nurse and explained what went on last night and asked her to check on dad and call me back. She did; again his vitals were OK but he failed the skin pinch test..which means he is very dehydrated. She said she would call the doctor and call me back. She just has; they are discontinuing the diuretic and he is being sent to the hospital to be put in intravenous. God...every time he is given a medication he ends up worse than before. I think that I will not suggest any medicinal intervention anymore; it seems his system cannot take it. So I am getting ready and will meet him at the hospital.

Later...when I got to the hospital dad was lying in a cubicle, dozing and hooked up to an IV (fortunately it was quiet and he got prompt attention). He was glad to see me, and OK, not freaking out like I feared. A blood sample had been taken as well as urine; he was given a chest X-ray and I heard why...terrible congestion in his lungs which I had not heard on Saturday.

Not long after I arrived his doctor came by with all the results; he had pneumonia again in the right lower temporal lobe; his condition that worried me yesterday was probably due more to the pneumonia than the diuretic, which she didn't feel was really necessary. She asked if dad choked a lot when he ate; I replied yes and she said the pneumonia could be caused from aspirating fluid into the lung which causes infection. She put him on 2 antibiotics to cover the spectrum and we got him ready to go home.

I'll call the charge nurse on Monday morning to talk about chest physio and deep breathing, as well as the fluid situation. Thank god he's OK bit I'm reading up on congestive heart failure...

Mar. 27.97
Today was the special Easter communion service for seniors and the homebound. I had planned to take dad for ages; when I told Nancy in recreation about these special services for seniors, she asked if others from the home could go...they are anxious to get out into the community. So I gave her the info and she arranged for a group to go; I met them at the church. It was a gorgeous day...but dad was in poor humour apparently because the wheeltrans driver had gone to the wrong door...go figure. So he was very demanding and petulant but I got him out of the mood and the service was lovely...short and the perfect length for the group. After we wheeled them in for tea, the highlight of the afternoon. The other residents of the home were thrilled...they had great food (!) and each was given a handmade lap blanket or slippers. I am still blown away by the kindness shown to anyone who attends these services.