September 1/99
Walked over with Oreo to see dad; he was finishing his lunch when I arrived and seemed barely conscious. His eyes were almost closed although he would still open his mouth when he felt the spoon against it. needlesstosay it was a lengthy meal. No matter what I said or where I stood, I could not get dad's attention.

So I sat and talked with Wahid while he finished giving dad his meal. Finally dad opened his eyes a little and looked up. I moved into his line of vision, gave him a kiss and told him I loved him. Dad started to cry. I did my best to comfort him but he cried on and off for the next 20 minutes.

It's so hard when this happens because I don't know what is causing the tears. Is it because he is a stroke victim? (these individuals have a greater tendency to cry). Is it because he misses me? Because he feels so miserable? Or is it because he knows he is going to die? I wish I knew.

Wahid and I took dad out to the village for a frozen yogourt. He really woke up...probably because the yogourt was so cold. He grabbed my hand and squeezed like crazy; I finally had to extricate myself to come back and do some work.

September 3/99
Visited dad before going up north for the weekend. I could not believe how well he looked. Absolutely day and night from the last time. I cut his hair and cleaned out his ears...no response to me but I know he still enjoys these familiar rituals.

September 7/99
Going away tomorrow for almost two weeks on business so I wanted to see dad before I left. I got there about 4:00 PM; he and Wahid had just come in from downstairs. Dad was combative and seemed out of sorts; he would not look at me for a while and when he finally did, it was as if he was thinking and thinking...but nothing happened. So I told him about my upcoming trip, babble, babble...but no use. There was no response. He did not look as well as last Friday.
September 25/99
I returned from my trip a few days ago - went to see dad day the after I got back. He was OK..as OK as could be I guess. Some days he is sleepy, others not. I guess it's just a waiting game.

I spoke to him over and over about who I am, he is my dad but there NO reaction. I had asked his companion to speak to the doctor in my absence to ask why dad cries..to try and get a new perspective. The doctor told him that dad cries because he is confused...he doesn't know what is going on. I was surprized...I though dad had gotten beyond that stage. If he does not know me, how can he know enough to feel so confused that he cries?

I guess noone rally understands what goes on in the brain with diseases like vascular dementia; there just must be too many variables.