- When you need help, admit it -- to others but mostly to yourself. There is no point in being a martyr at the expense of your own well-being.
- Ask questions constantly. "I don't know" is a legitimate starting point from which to begin gaining the knowledge and finding the answers you need.
- No question is too silly. You are the one who will suffer if you don't ask.
- Be aggressive; demand answers from everyone -- physicians, professionals and suppliers of products and services.
- You are the expert on the person in your life needing care; outsiders can only offer advice. If you disagree wiith a suggestion made to you, work with others to find solutions that will work. Remember, caregiving is a two-way street.
- Try to provide solutions; be positive; avoid guilt trips and SET LIMITS.
When I was having so many problems dealing with my father last year, when my health was a mess, life was a mess and I could not see a way forward, I finally learned that until you are ready to listen to and believe other people, you cannot break out of the mental mould you make for yourself. People would tell me over and over how helpful I was, how much I had done for my father, how I needed to take time for myself. But it was as if they were talking to someone else. I couldn't hear them. I don't know what changed, but gradually I started to believe them, partially I think because I was coming out of my depression and could take a more rational look at the situation. I started looking looking out for myself a little more.
I saw the following in The Globe and Mail and found it so true.
"When you're ready to do something about a problem, almost anything can help. When you're not ready, no amount of workshops, counselling or programs will effect a change. The rule is: 'When a student is ready, the teacher appears.'"
Andrew Franken