by Barbara Carter bhcarter@netcom.ca
(A true story written out of grief and frustration; the names have been changed)
I was working in my home office and heard a strange car noise outside. I looked and saw that there was an ambulance at the house next door.
Immediately I rushed over. Our neighbours, Fred and Mary, are elderly. Mary has ALZHEIMERS and Fred has been gallantly caring for her over the past few years.
Fred had had a heart attack. The medics were there, as was Fred and Mary's son, Greg. Another son George was on his way. Everyone went off to the hospital to deal with Fred's attack.
I was worried, but not too worried. Lots of people have heart attacks and if dealt with in time, they are ok.
Fred did not make it. He died less than 12 hours after his attack. He was only 77 years old, but his heart gave out. I am also convinced the stress of dealing with his wife's illness factored into his ability to stay healthy.
Why am I telling this tale? I am angry. I am upset. I have lost a good neighbour. Some people have lost a wonderful father and friend.
My anger is because Fred did not make any plans. Fred assumed that Mary would die before him. Fred refused the help of family, friends and neighbours in dealing with his wife's debilitating illness. Fred has left a mess for his family to deal with.
Fred's sons have now lost two parents. One to a disease that slowly renders one incapable. Another as a shocking death.
Greg and George and their family are distraught. They are in shock. They don't know what to do about their Mum. Mary cannot stay in her house. She is unable to live alone with ALZHEIMERS. So the families are dealing with funeral arrangements as well as looking into care for their Mum.
I would like all elderly gentleman to take note. You are not infallible. You may die before your wife. You may not. But please make some contingency plans, including:
1)Make sure your wills are in order.
2) Make sure you have Power of Attorney Documents for you and your spouse. Certainly if one of you has an illness, suggest another person be the Power of Attorney.
3) Consider what you would like to see happen if/when one of you passes on. What will the person left behind be faced with.
4) Talk to your family about your wishes.
5) Accept any help that is offered to you - because you cannot do it alone. When you were in the war, you worked alongside other soldiers in accomplishing the task at hand. When you worked, you had a break at night and on weekends.
6) Have regular check-ups to ensure your health is good.
7) Consider all factors of aging; health, finance, legal and housing.
8) Don't assume the government will look after everything. Money is running out. It is your family who will be doing the running around.
9) Let neighbours know who to call in case of an emergency.
I implore you, if you love your family, please think about the realities of aging. Put some plans in place. If they are never used, great. If they are needed, then you have saved your loved ones a lot of grief. You have a responsibility to get your affairs in order and to ensure that your family can carry on.
Do it.
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