I thought, "Oh, my God; what have I gotten myself into here?????"

Here I was, 47 years old, having survived one divorce, then lived another 14 years with an abuser, whom I had finally gotten up the courage to leave, when a year later I found Spencer. He was everything I ever wanted in a life partner. But, it was a package deal. Mom came with the deal. Spencer had told me Mom was acting weird for a number of years and he suspected Alzheimers, although he could never get her to go to a doctor for diagnosis and treatment. On faith and strong moral conviction about the concept of love and commitment, I married this woman's only child. Then all hell broke loose.

Long story short: this is nearly four years later. Mom is lingering between stage 6 and 7 Alzheimers. She lives with us. She is all of 99 pounds. She is frail. She is totally incontinent. She is a gentle lamb. She is mostly non-verbal. She self stimulates; rocking her body constantly unless in a sound sleep. For probably two years or more she has indicated little knowledge of who she is, or who Spencer is; although she seems to recognize his face. Our staff of caregivers in our ALF's mostly take care of her, but sometimes Spencer or I make the time to take care of her personal needs. Sometimes we make the time to have personal time with her.

It occurred to me that we had not taken personal time with her lately, so I made an effort tonight. Before Alz, Mom had taken great personal pride in her appearance. Her wardrobe and makeup were always perfect. She was educated and had a responsible job in hospital administration. She was a proud woman. So, tonight we had *beauty parlor night* and really fussed over her. First we promptly dismissed with the little whiskers on her chin. Next I applied a little eye shadow, eye brow pencil, blush and lipstick. Spencer and I lauded her with how lovely and pretty she looked. In a normal volume of voice (not common for her) she responded, "I know that!". Then she smiled. It was a *golden window*.

Then, Spencer was called out (happens all the time) to correct a plumbing problem in one of the two ALF's. (We are getting used to these interruptions in our quality time.) I had some time alone with Mom. I got physically close to her; down on my knees in front of her. I told her my feelings about Spencer. I thanked her for giving birth to this boy of hers. I told her what a very wonderful job she did raising him, for him to become the wonderful man and husband he is today. Mom grinned and said, "I know that, too!" I said, "I love you, Mom". Her reaction and response about bowled me over. She said, "I love you, too." That was the FIRST time she ever told me that. I well know it may be the last. But, it was REAL. It was clear she was not parroting. She and I both had tears in our eyes. Spencer walked back in as this was happening and I think he had tears in his eyes too.

A breakthrough! A GOLDEN WINDOW! Somehow, some times, and in some way, once in a while......... in this disease we call Alzheimers, it seems some long ago damaged little synapses in the brain just seem to connect momentarily. Perhaps this is God's gift to us Caregivers.

All I know is that it was a real life moment that I will treasure and remember forever.

My mother-in-law is Marjorie Lois Sheldon. She has Alzheimers Disease. Tonight, for the first time, I had a (lucky) major communication breakthrough with her. And, I realized tonight, for the first time, that I really, really love her.

Thank you for indulging me in this LifeSpring event.

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